In memory of Amy Elizabeth Howell Wagner, 1971 to 2013
Flowers for Amy, acrylic on canvas, copyright 2013 annaporterartist, photography by John Telford
In memory of Amy Elizabeth Howell Wagner, Fine Artist, 1971 to 2013
Yesterday afternoon, May 28, 2013, I had the honor of attending one of the most beautiful memorial services that I have ever attended, the Celebration of Life Memorial Service for Amy Wagner, http://amycolors.com, held at Agnes Flanagan Chapel, on the grounds of Lewis & Clark College, in Portland, Oregon.
The daughter-in-law of our dear friends, Karen and Frank Wagner, daughter of parents Susan and David Howell, wife of James Wagner and mother to Kobe and Hunter Wagner, Amy was a gifted artist who loved painting as a child and carried that love throughout her too short life. She captured the beauty and joy of life with exquisite pure colors and bold designs that never fail to astound and inspire me each time I view them. The large chapel at Lewis & Clark College was filled with friends and family yesterday who came from near and far to celebrate Amy's beautiful life, her art, her friendship, her courage and the many ways that she had touched their lives with her art and her lovely spirit. At the request of the family, everyone was dressed brightly in honor of Amy's love of color. It was clear from the stories shared by her husband, youngest son, brother, father, creativity coach, Kris Balle, and friends and relatives from around the country; from the slides of Amy's childhood, teenage and college years; and from her beautiful artwork on display at the front of the chapel, that Amy was dearly loved; that she lived life to its fullest, sharing her exuberance with all who had the privilege of knowing her; that her presence touched many, and though she will be missed terribly, she left something of herself with every person present, a gift that will continue to shine in and through them. Amy was an artist who embraced life and others, whose mesmerizing smile could light up a city and draw people in, and whose infectious joy and optimism always left you feeling better, whether you were in her presence, or viewing her art from afar.
In 2009, Amy was left paralyzed from the neck down when a tumor burst in her neck close to her spine. I will never forget the shock that I felt when Karen and Frank first told us about that tragic day - how one minute Amy, a young mother, was walking down the sidewalk with her two adolescent boys to school, and the next minute her life was changed irrevocably forever. While doctors were able to remove the tumor, they could not repair the damage to her spinal cord, or stop the cancer cells that relentlessly migrated up and down it. She spent much of her time in and out of the hospital in the remaining four years, enduring a vent that enabled her to breathe, MRIs to detect more tumors, more surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy treatments, and when all else failed, a new Novocure TTF treatment, Oregon's first patient to receive it. Sadly, none helped. In between, thankfully, Amy was able to spend much time at home with her very brave and loving husband, James Wagner, who cared for her until the end; and with her two lovely boys, Kobe and Hunter Wagner, who now show a sensitivity, wisdom and maturity that is well beyond those of typical teenage boys.
Of his mother, young Hunter stated at the memorial service that "Amy was the kind of Mom that if you were having a bad day, you could go and talk to her and suddenly you would be having an amazing day". Amy was that kind of person. Always able to see the best and brightest in life, even when that life became more difficult than most of us can ever imagine. And James, dressed in the Taos inspired brightly woven wedding vest that he and Amy both wore at their wedding service in that same chapel on July 3, 1993 when they made their vows to love each other forever, stated that he "felt blessed and grateful for the four years that he got to take of Amy at home; that it was a small repayment for the twenty years prior that she had taken care of him". A kinder and more loving acknowledgement, from such a selfless and loving husband and partner, I cannot imagine. Always one to stand up for what she believed in even when she could no longer stand, Amy, with James by her side, found the energy to join a protest to fight against proposed cuts in Medicaid, so important to their family, and other families across the country in similar situations. You can read more about her courageous life in the blog entries by friends and relatives, lovingly maintained by Bud and Trina Pate at http://amyandjameswagner.com. I have one regret in writing this post. I wish that I had taken the time to get to know Amy better; more than the few times that we met at social events or celebrations at the invitation of Frank and Karen. My life would have been richer for it. For the balance of this post, I will focus on Amy's gift to us all - her beautiful and courageous spirit and her colorful art.
From 2009 to 2013, while fighting the ravages of cancer and paralysis, Amy learned to paint all over again, this time with her mouth. Karen told me once that Amy loved those art sessions. She looked forward to them all week. Not one to be able to put a smile on my face when tears are welling inside, I broke down completely yesterday when I saw the photos of Amy, clearly tired but determined, her face inches from her artwork, putting brush to paper; working her magic in Tempera paint, the end of her mouthstick held resolutely between lips and teeth that struggled to hold and maneuver it; placing each mark, each bold stoke of color, resolutely on the page; letting each stoke just "be". No erasing. No regrets. As an artist with many other responsibilities, I struggle sometimes to find the energy to paint even with all of my faculties; and on those days I now think of Amy, of all that she suffered and struggled with, and I find new resolve. Because no matter how hard you think your life might be as an artist, and for many it is exceedingly difficult, I cannot imagine it being more difficult than what Amy contended with during the past four years. And yet she painted. She painted with joy and hope. She painted even when she was so tired she barely had the energy to speak. She painted to the end.
Upon viewing her work from before and after her injury, what you notice immediately is that Amy kept her glorious pure colors to the end. Although life became very muddy indeed, it did not create mud in her artist's soul. That clear beauty, love of color and life continued to shine through her "ish" series of paintings from 2012 which you can view at http://amyandjameswagner.com/amy-art-2012/amys-art/
, the way it did in all of her earlier works, some of which you can see in these blog photos of Amy's art at http://amyandjameswagner.com/photos/artwork-at-spoons/, taken when her paintings were on display at Spoons Gourmet Deli in Salem (4093 Commericial St SE). In her "ish" series of paintings that she painted with a mouthstick after her paralysis, Amy's artwork, once very controlled, stylized and carefully planned, took on a new vibrancy and urgency, a freedom of expression and exuberance not as evident, at least to my eye, in her earlier works. Amy's long brushstrokes and the perfect edges of the bold shapes that she once so carefully laid down, lines that her creativity coach, Kris Balle, stated that Amy once held her breath in order to place perfectly on the page prior to her injury, became much more animated and free in her "ish" series afterwards. Never one to be tentative with color and line, Amy's previous works speak to the viewer through their bold color and design. That same bold color is present in her "ish" series, but a multitude of small colorful brushstrokes replace the larger bold shapes. No less colorful or bold, these strokes weave a pattern of color and depth that create a tapestry of life as seen through Amy's eyes. Her most recent paintings exude energy that speaks volumes about Amy's exuberance for life, her patience, her determination, and the pure joy that she felt and shared with others every day of her life. From “Dancers-ish”, to “Caterpillars-ish”, to “Roller Coaster-ish”, and my personal favorite, “Butterfly-ish”, Amy's colors speak about the beauty and joy that is all around us, about the thrill of life that we can all experience if we only allow ourselves to tap into it. At the memorial service, Kris shared that Amy fell asleep painting her last unfinished piece, the beginnings of a beautiful fire-like fuchsia flower, evolving out of a translucent pool of blue water. She closed her eyes, brush in mouth, too exhausted to continue, and fell peacefully asleep.
My husband, George Porter, and I responded to the news of Amy's worsening condition in the last few weeks of her life by painting our own remembrances of Amy, which we gifted to James, Frank and Karen after her death on April 26, 2013. I want to thank the family for sharing those paintings at the reception for family and friends at Frank and Karen's beautiful home in West Linn, Oregon, yesterday after the memorial service. It meant a great deal to us to have our paintings be part of Amy’s memorial.
In my painting, Flowers for Amy (shown above, 24" X 24", acrylic on canvas, photography by John Telford, http://www.photonjohn.com 2013-03-29), I sought to capture Amy's beautiful smile in a portrait of her as a flower. I painted it in response to Karen's request to friends and family in March to please send flowers to fill Amy's room at home with the colors of the beautiful Pacific Northwest Spring that were beginning to unfurl outside her bedroom window, when Amy was sent home from the hospital for the last time, knowing that she would not be returning for any more treatments. To me, Amy was and will always be the brightest flower. At the time that I painted it, I was taking a class in acrylic at Portland Community College, to learn a new medium. We had been instructed to paint something that had deep emotional meaning to us, and I had been watching the video of Amy's "ish" series of paintings, posted on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/44896294, over and over again, unable to get the images of her paintings, and the haunting melody and words of an upbeat reggae version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" that accompanied it, out of my mind. When I had to present my painting to the class at the end of the term, I let excerpts from Amy's blog, lovingly kept up-to-date by Bud and Triba Pate, and Amy's Vimeo video and her artwork speak for itself. There was not a dry eye in that classroom afterwards. And I hope that those bright young college students and fellow artists, ages younger than me, with their whole lives left to unfold before them, learned a lesson that came thankfully not too late for me - that now is the time to paint and keep on painting, every single day of your life.
My husband, George Porter, created his own version of what Amy meant to him, a very different and beautiful painting, an anthology of symbolism representing Amy's life and art. Titled, Amy's Colors (shown below, 24" x 18", acrylic on canvas, photography by John Tellford, http://www.photonjohn.com 2013-05-22),
it shows Amy swinging freely on a swing suspended from the moon, set in a deep cobalt blue sky full of twinkling stars. Amy's arms and legs are joyously working as she swings high above the desert in Taos where she and James once lived, and where she was inspired by the desert colors and the works of Georgia O'Keefe. In the painting, Amy is kicking flowers upwards into that deep blue sky, where they transform into souls entering a church at the gates of heaven, a church in New Mexico that Amy once painted against a brilliant fuchsia sky. George's wonderful painting, rich in Native American and Taos-inspired images and symbolism and natural wildlife - coyotes, birds, flowers, and my favorite, two lovebirds nestled in the bottom left of the painting, representing Amy and Jamie's love for each other - is a joyful celebration of everything about Amy's colors, art and life that touched his heart, as an artist and longtime friend of the family.
For those of you who have read this very long blog post, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of your very busy day to honor Amy in this way. I urge you to take a few more minutes to watch Amy's Vimeo video at http://vimeo.com/44896294, to read more about Amy's inspiring art and life in her blog at http://amyandjameswagner.com, and to view the paintings from her 2012 "ish" series in more detail in her online gallery at http://amyandjameswagner.com/amy-art-2012/amys-art/ . To order a digital reprint of “Butterfly-ish”, please go to http://amycolors.com/amy_wagner/amy_wagner_paintings_butterfly-ish_order.html To order digital reprints of the other paintings from Amy's “ish” series, please contact her art curator at [email protected] . Like everyone who had the pleasure of knowing Amy, you will be glad that you did. I hope that you, too, will find your own inspiration and renewed joy and sense of purpose in Amy's Colors and in the story of her amazing life.
Anna Porter
Fine Artist, Writer and Digital Photographer
